Ivannia

"Sometimes I feel like I can't breath; like I'm trapped in a room that's slowly shrinking into the size of a tiny cube. I feel like I'm sizzling with anxiety. It's practically dripping from the tips pf my hairs and fingers, and my limbs - they all tingle, hurting.

And I don't feel like talking. I don't feel like doing anything though I know that not doing anything is going to make this worse.


I just wish that I forever could be weightless; forever could feel like I could walk through my remaining years without ever feeling like there's a storm coming from somewhere inside.

And I wonder what it's like, being you. All of you who live your lives effortlessly, who take each day as it comes and never let a broken self bother your sleep.


I don't feel sorry for myself because I've accepted that this is who I am, and that these moments will come and go as long as I live. It's just that I can't stop wondering what it would be like if things were different - what things would be like if I was everything you wanted me to be.


How my life would look like... If I just. For once knew what it is to be adored in that way I adore so many."



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Oh fuck - förlåt. Jag ska bara ta en cigg till, så går allt det här över.